As I have already discussed in a previous post, pornography addiction can deeply affect our mental health, relationships, and overall quality of life, leading to numerous negative consequences.
A complex mix of underlying causes and risk factors seem to drive this behavior which is probably why so many people find it challenging to break free.
In this article, I plan to explore five primary porn addiction causes or theories, each backed by scientific research, to understand why you or your loved ones may be struggling to quit pornography consumption. Understanding these causes will hopefully give you the information you need to take the first step toward recovery!
1. It Begins With Your Genes
It sounds really unfair, but as it so seems, some people may have a genetic tendency for addictive behavior, including pornography addiction.
Research shows that certain genetic variations can influence the brain’s reward system, making some people more vulnerable to addictive behaviors. For example, genetic variations in dopamine receptors have been linked to both substance addiction and behavioral addictions, like compulsive porn consumption.
Without getting into all the scientific jargon here, the gist of this is that some people are simply born with genes that make their brains more vulnerable to pornography addiction. These genes are responsible for a kind of built-in constant chase and desire for pleasure. This can translate into experiencing a constant need for pornography consumption, leading to a cycle of dependency and emotional distress.
Can these genes be changed?
Well, with the current state of medicine and technology, the answer is… no 🙁
BUT, do not be discouraged. Genes are only a part of the story, and there are other elements that porn addicts can certainly get a hold of and even change. Let us get right to it…
2. Were You Traumatized?
Unresolved trauma is a common underlying cause of compulsive sexual behavior, including problematic pornography use.
What do I include in “trauma”?
Well, we’re looking here mainly at childhood trauma, such as physical and sexual abuse by an adult. Many times, unfortunately, this adult is a parent or some other significant person who should have protected you and certainly not harmed you!
In fact, recent studies show that many porn addicts have a history of sexual or physical abuse in their past. Maybe that isn’t very surprising.
What is more surprising to many people, is that emotional abuse can also play a role in leading to addictions.
I cannot tell you how many times I have heard from my porn-addicted clients that their childhood was “fine, no real problems there”. Only to find out later from them about a very distant, non-present, or critical father, a cold and judgmental mother, and the like. For these clients, as long as their parents provided them with clothing, food, and shelter, anything else was a bonus.
But we know now that this is simply not true. Our emotional needs are no less important and maybe even more important than our physical needs.
So if I grew up feeling very lonely and misunderstood by my parents, or worse, constantly scolded and berated by them, I would have learned to be very suspicious and untrusting of people. Even if they never laid a hand on me!
And then when in distress, rather than turning to a human partner for comfort, many traumatized people feel safer turning to a substance. In our case – pornography.
So in essence, people with past experiences of trauma often turn to pornographic content as a coping mechanism to soothe negative feelings or emotional distress that they carry from past experiences into adulthood.
This excessive porn consumption can lead to negative consequences in personal relationships and mental health in the long run. But because porn provides such a powerful and immediate (albeit temporary) relief from stress and emotional pain, it is very hard to quit using this “drug”.
3. Shame, Self-Criticism and Low Self-Esteem
I believe this is a very important and overlooked aspect of the underlying mechanism driving addiction.
A lot of people are used to thinking about addicts as people who do not have feelings of shame (which is why they keep on “acting out” shamefully). That’s obviously wrong. Addicts deal with a lot of shame inside.
When I say “shame”, I mean low self-esteem, lots of self-criticism, self-disgust or even self-hatred, and just this general sense of worthlessness or defectiveness. This is not some minor discomfort I’m talking about but rather a massive, crippling negative emotion.
And a growing number of studies are confirming that a deep sense of shame is a major contributor to the development of addiction! And that includes compulsive behaviors like excessive viewing of pornography.
It makes a lot of sense – when we feel such overwhelmingly negative feelings, we tend to look for anything, ANYTHING, to shut it down and feel calm. So.. in comes addictive behavior like a compulsive drive to view pornography as an easy and accessible way to cope and self-medicate these awful shameful feelings into calmness. It’s not a “zen” kind of calm, but rather more like “I’m numb, yippee” kind of calm.
Of course, you may be wondering – “but where does all this self-criticism come from?”
Well, this ties into our previous explanations. Some people may be more genetically prone to this, but it is the early-life experiences that heavily shape our core emotional states and well-being. It seems that trauma and poor attachment to parents (when parents are not warm, accessible, or emotionally attuned to their children) leave children with a deep sense of being unappreciated, unworthy, and therefore defective and flawed. Hence the low self-esteem, which seems to be the powerful link between childhood trauma and neglect, and the development of a sexual addiction.
Unfortunately, using porn as a coping mechanism to soothe self-criticism and shame often only exacerbates psychological distress and leads to further social isolation and feelings of shame. Thus, a negative cycle is created, reinforcing compulsive porn use and thereby deeply impacting your general mental health and daily life.
4. Underlying Mental Health Issues
There is a body of research showing that compulsive porn use is often associated with other mental health disorders, including anxiety, depression, other addictions (drugs or alcohol), and suicidality.
The research shows that these mental health conditions can play a significant role in driving addictive behavior as a way to manage and relieve the psychological distress related to these conditions.
But in my humble opinion, essentially this cause of addiction is not a separate or different cause from the previous one I mentioned. As an emotion-focused therapist, to me, the psychiatric labels may be useful but they can also distract from the core underlying issues that truly matter.
What I mean by this is that “depression”, “general anxiety disorder”, suicidality, and certainly other substance-based addictions, are all secondary expressions of underlying painful emotions such as shame and self-criticism. Of course, depression looks and feels very differently from anxiety (low energy and emptiness vs. freaking out and constantly thinking in loops). And yet, the emotions driving both of them from the inside may be very similar.
So yes, I agree that many porn addicts use their pornography consumption as a means to manage another underlying mental health condition like depression. But that’s not the “endgame”. Because depression itself is just the outward expression of a deeper underlying core negative emotion. And in the case of many porn addicts that emotion is a sense of deep shame/inadequacy/unworthiness/defectiveness and the like.
5. Brain Chemicals and Incentive Sensitization Theory
There are several theories about the brain and addiction, but let me focus here on one important one.
According to the Incentive Sensitization Theory, repeated exposure to explicit content can increase the brain’s sensitivity which turns “wanting” the pornographic material into “craving” for it.
Soooo.. what’s the difference between regular wanting and craving?
In the first phase of addiction, “wanting” is still linked with “liking”. A person wants the drug and also still likes it. It provides pleasure and even bliss.
But then at some point, the craving so to speak takes on “a life of its own”, and consuming the drug, or in our case, consuming the explicit material becomes less and less pleasurable. The addict still wants the “drug”, but this is already a compulsive behavior. He wants it again and again, but no longer enjoys it.
You will hear a lot of people talking about this aspect of addiction nowadays as a main explanation of how addiction develops. It’s trendy and sounds very scientific and serious. They love throwing words like “dopamine levels” and the “reward system” in the brain. In the case of pornography addiction, it’s even more sexy (pun intended :)).
And yes, it makes a lot of sense.
HOWEVER, once again this does not seem to me like the root cause of addiction, but rather more like a result of it. This is a great and important explanation of what happens in the brain as someone becomes addicted. But what leads them to keep on coming back for the drug? Why do they do it in the first place? Can this all be reduced just to chemical changes in the brain?
On some level, I wish that were true because then the solution to addiction would be more straightforward.
But it is not true. Brain changes are an important part of the story, but only a part, and perhaps not the most important part for us to focus on in recovery.
Root Causes of Addiction: Understand The Big Picture
All of the above causes we’ve spoken about can be seen as different moving parts in the larger picture of addiction. They all contribute to our understanding of how and why the use of pornography can develop into a sex addiction.
It also seems that these causes are not isolated from each other, but rather they all seem to interact and overlap each other.
Here’s an example:
Tom was born to a family with a history of addiction. He had an alcoholic uncle and his father could not stop himself from going to casinos where he lost a lot of money.
It seems that addiction ran in Tom’s genes.
In addition, his father was extremely preoccupied with himself and work and was absent from home a lot. Tom’s mom, on the other hand, had to bear the brunt of child-rearing alone, and without any help from Tom’s dad. She was a very bitter woman with zero patience for her kids. She would emotionally abuse Tom by berating and insulting him on many occasions, from a very young age. These traumatic interactions shaped Tom’s inner world.
Tom grew up feeling unwanted by his parents and feeling like a “stupid, useless piece of s*hit”. His mother never put it in those exact words but her actions and frequent insults certainly made it feel that way. And it was a horrible experience. A throbbing sense of unworthiness and low self-value became a dominant part of his identity. He internalized his parents’ messages and became very critical of himself.
So much so that at times his self-criticism was so cruel that he could not relax and many times it spiraled into full panic attacks. Although he wasn’t officially diagnosed by anyone, it became clear that he was struggling with an anxiety disorder.
His parents were not attuned to his emotional needs in any way, and so he HAD to do something to help himself. Like many kids at age 13, he found online porn. But unlike many kids, for Tom, this was a lifesaver. Whenever he felt the emotional pain inside, he learned to turn automatically to porn and masturbation for relief.
Over time, this process became so automatic that Tom felt a loss of control. His brain just kept on wanting sexual content even though Tom no longer enjoyed it, which led him to feel even more disgusted by himself.
*****
This story is of course one example. Every addict has their own unique story. But the point I’m trying to make here, as you can see, is that these causes of addiction are woven into each other. A genetic tendency for addiction may be triggered by a traumatic experience that leads to a deep sense of unworthiness and self-criticism. These can also turn into anxiety, depression, or other mental health problems, and all of that leads the person to seek a quick fix to soothe all that underlying pain.
Now What?
Time to take your first step toward seeking support.
As you can see, addiction is a complex problem, and therefore many addicts need a few layers of support. To begin with, you will need to stop or moderate your porn consumption. Treatment options may include group therapy, 12-step programs and also skill-based therapy like CBT can be beneficial in doing so.
However, that will not be enough. As we’ve seen, the addictive behavior is only the symptom. Not the root problem. To achieve long-term recovery most sex and porn addicts will need professional help to address the trauma and the painful emotions underlying all of this.
Emotion-focused therapy (EFT) is the best approach I know of that can help you with that. EFT is an evidence based therapy model and EFT therapists are trained to be deeply empathetic and understanding, while helping their clients also reach an emotional transformation.
With the right support, lifestyle changes, and treatment plan, individuals can work toward recovery and healthier emotional expression, improving their quality of life and personal relationships.
References
- Fong, T. W. (2006). Understanding and managing compulsive sexual behaviors. Psychiatry (Edgmont), 3(11), 51–58.
- Giordano, A. L., Hedden, L. E., Kim, S. W., Lundeen, L. A., & Lu, Z. (2024) Childhood trauma and sex addiction among adult men. Journal of Addictions & Offender Counseling. https://doi.org/10.1002/jaoc.12134
- Love, T., Laier, C., Brand, M., Hatch, L., & Hajela, R. (2015). Neuroscience of Internet Pornography Addiction: A Review and Update. Behavioral Sciences, 5(3), 388-433. https://doi.org/10.3390/bs5030388
- Robinson T.E, Berridge K.C. The neural basis of drug craving: an incentive-sensitization theory of addiction. Brain Res. Rev. 1993;18:247–291. doi: 10.1016/0165-0173(93)90013-p.
- Reid, R. C. (2010). Differentiating Emotions in a Sample of Men in Treatment for Hypersexual Behavior. Journal of Social Work Practice in the Addictions, 10(2), 197–213. https://doi.org/10.1080/15332561003769369
- Wéry, A., Vogelaere, K., Challet-Bouju, G., Poudat, F., Caillon, J., Lever, D., Billieux, J., & Grall-Bronnec, M. (2016). Characteristics of self-identified sexual addicts in a behavioral addiction outpatient clinic. Journal of Behavioral Addictions, 5(4), 623-630. https://doi.org/10.1556/2006.5.2016.071
- Schilling, E. A., Aseltine, R. H., & Gore, S. (2008). The impact of cumulative childhood adversity on young adult mental health: measures, models, and interpretations. Social science & medicine (1982), 66(5), 1140–1151. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.socscimed.2007.11.023
- Slavin, M.N., Scoglio, A.A.J., Blycker, G.R. et al. Child Sexual Abuse and Compulsive Sexual Behavior: A Systematic Literature Review. Curr Addict Rep 7, 76–88 (2020). https://doi.org/10.1007/s40429-020-00298-9
